Meet Sam.

It’s true, the cast does have the cushiest job. You just show up and deliver your lines and literally enjoy the spotlight.

All the while, the producers are stressing out over the timing and manpower and upcoming deadlines, the directors are losing their minds coordinating things, lights and sounds laboriously plan and program all their cues, sets and props work overtime to construct the perfect stage, stage managers and crew meticulously execute a carefully-choreographed dance in the dark, costumes and makeup make you look good, and welfare feeds you.

And I realized being minor cast and timing your “Doors Closing… beepbeepbeep” and “Ahem-look-lookaway” movement is infinitely more challenging than just memorizing lines.

So I have nothing but respect for the many, many people who actually gave their time to this, above and beyond the pressing need to study during revision posting. It’s a miracle in itself.

I’m thankful for the experience, and for this one last chance we had to pitch majorly for the Bursary.

Incredible.

I flew in on Friday night with Jeanne. Everything was a little surreal – seeing the city lights and the Singapore Flyer out the window, setting my watch 2-1/2 hours forward again. I was trying to finish a chapter of my book, and then I felt the bump of the plane touching down. We were home.

Everything looks the same but somehow it feels different. Sitting in the car and watching all the buildings flash quietly by, looking both familiar and alien. My brother is still playing the same piano pieces, my room still smells the same, and my dog has maybe become a little more arthritic. The only major thing I’ve missed is the excitement surrounding my dad’s iPhone acquisition – now it’s just, “Hey, check out my iPhone! ”

Mum had a California roll and jambu waiting for me when I got home (!!!). And she’d kept some Surabaya cake for me! I’d given that up as lost when I flew off during CNY, so now it looks like I’ll have to extend my high-calorie month to 6 weeks.

I miss India! Living in your own place for 4 weeks really changes your perspective on things. I’ll miss the smell of my room at the Ananda Bhavan – a mix of washing detergent, PalmOlive soap, and sandy construction. I’ll miss walking along Arni Road, with the procession of cows out of the construction site at roughly 7.20am every day, passing by the police station, and the trucks trundling by and honking “melodious” tunes early in the morning (ok, this I don’t really miss, but it’s like my ears have nothing to do now that all that noise is gone). I’ll miss the long walks through college campus, spying the occasional brightly-coloured bird, feeling the crunch of sand under your chappals, and at night looking up to see a landscape of stars. I’ll miss the bustle and noise on Officer’s Lane in the city, the ear-piercing bus horns, the singsong sound of spoken Tamil, the smell of chai tea. I’ll miss the hospital, with its maze-like structure surrounding a central chapel, its vision manifest in all the Bible verses adorning the corridors and wards, and its spirit manifest in the servant hearts of doctors working there.

And I’ll definitely miss all the amazing food we got to eat – the special thali, pudina naan, paneer butter masala and alu gobi masala at Punjabi Dhaba; tandoori chicken at the Aavanaa; rice at Amirtha; naan, butter chicken, chicken tikka masala, chicken Irani and the vegetable platter at Darling’s; steak at Satsanga’s in Pondy; a Keralan breakfast at Bastian; stuffed paratha and amazing fish and spinach curries at Dal Roti; samosas, puffs, thosai, rava, vadai, and all that lassi – mango, grape, and badam pista lassi (mmm…). I think I’ll even kind of miss the chicken briyani and chappathi from A Block canteen.

I’ll miss the local animal population – cows with painted horns, goats, donkeys, crows and pigeons (and their copious excrement stains). I’ll miss sticking my head out of an auto to feel the breeze. I’ll miss being squished against numerous people in a crowded public bus. I’ll miss my daily siesta in Dodd Library. I’ll miss my Fresh & Honest tea, coffee, hot chocolate and Horlicks. I’ll miss seeing cricket everywhere I go – on any open space, on every TV. I’ll miss the weather – cool and windy in the morning and evening, hot and sandy for a few hours around noon, and (almost) never raining. And I’ll miss lavender and orange Indian sunsets, wherever I’m watching from – the top of college hill, the top of a rocky outcropping in Mammallapuram, a beach in Cochin, the roof of CMC Hospital on my last day.

It’s been an unforgettable month, partly because of everything I’ve mentioned above, but mostly because of the people. Orlanda, Shuyi, Jeanne, Arjun, Karthik, and honorary Singaporeans Dharsh and Gabe – travel buddies and people who made life a lot happier. My AB neighbours Anders, Aline, Phoebe, Myron, and (for a while) Agnes and Peter. Other internationals who we befriended – Hanna, Alexa and Kristen, Anna and Pernilla, Sofie, Nazia and Jacob, Sonja, Madhu, Adedoyin, Jen and Kim, Tyler and Christina, and SunMin. The amazing doctors I met – Drs Cecil, Raj, Amit, Siddharth, Manbha, Ramesh, John from HNk; Drs Mathew A, Maya, Varun, Ajith from Neuro; Drs Elvino B, Kingsly PM, Kiran, and Rahul from Plastics. Some godly, some warm and relatable, some fearsome clinicians, some outstanding teachers. And of course the Singaporeans who came in our last week and brightened our lives – Sok, Grace, Sarah, Andrea, Winnie, Marcus, Julio, Andrew, Keith.

Everything came full circle on our last day in hospital, when the young burns patient I had seen warded in my first week walked serenely into the HNk clinic. We smiled at each other. Being at CMC has allowed me to feel acutely the privilege of being part of this noble profession, and to understand the possibility of practicing medicine in such a way as to honour God.

Yesterday I sat at a coffee shop and watched a Singaporean sunset, surrounded by familiar smells and listening to the quiet hum of cars whizzing by along the road. It’s been an unforgettable month, but home is home.

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Children’s Day.

Nothing that I said today helped very much did it?

If I could somehow make it better or easier I would.

Age.

Today I had a real conversation with my neighbour, for the first time since we came back from Shanghai! That’s 8 years ago. Whaow.

He’s a 70 plus year old grandfather who likes to garden. Anyway we usually say hi to each other when I get back home in the evenings. That’s when he’s re-potting plants and… doing other things that gardeners do. Regrettably, my limited gardening knowledge consists of talking encouragingly to a cactus.

He told me that before we left, he used to play with me. I would be wheeled over in my pram for walks around the neighbourhood.

It’s always weird when people talk about you in a pram. “Do you remember?” he asked me. He had that same reminiscent smile on his face that we get when we talk about the cute babies in KKH. Of course I had to disappoint – I can’t remember anything about my time in a pram.

“And you’re in medical school now, right? 2nd year? Or is it 3rd year?” So I told him, and he got that wistful smile again and said, “Wow, it’s hard to believe. Time flies.”

And it was a cliched thing to say but it struck me as so true. Here was a man who, 20 years ago, was working (as a radiographer, incidentally) to support his family. And every now and again a little boy would be wheeled past his gate in a pram. Now that same boy was walking by as a medical student, almost a doctor. In those 20 years my elderly neighbour had probably accumulated a wealth of experience, knowledge, and wisdom – but in the instant he said “time flies” he probably meant, with all sincerity, that it seemed like those 20 long years had gone by so very swiftly.

So I got back home and sat on the sofa and thought, in a few decades, when I’m the one saying to the young student, ”time flies” – what will I mean by it?

Today at the Holland V bus stop I bumped into this M1 who had been to On Call Night. She said medicine was proving harder than she’d anticipated. I told her that M1 was a fun year and that stress in M1 was usually self-inflicted, so to try not to stress herself out.

Immediately after I boarded the bus I thought, what a useless piece of advice. It’s not as though she can act on it, hindsight is 20/20, and I’m not that much older anyway. Maybe I should have said, don’t forget to have a life.

I remember when we were in M1, the M4s seemed so old. And I can see, now, how the M1s might see us as such. But really, we’re not that much older – it’s just that the past year has grown us by experience.

And so now I’m at the stage where I’m old enough to appear serious about life, but still too young to have any idea of how to handle it.

Recently I’ve had this foot in my mouth. It’s stinking up the place, really.

Maintenance.

Wondering where to start… I feel rusty.

Anaesthesia posting was so much fun it’s unbelievable! Felt privileged to be able to do it at KTPH. The learning environment was great and the scrubs were amazing. Teal, a nice soft fabric, I think the best out of all the hospitals. It’s probably a mistake to make your scrubs so nice, people will inevitably take them home to use as pajamas.

Ok, aside from the awesome scrubs, I didn’t even know it was possible to enjoy a posting so much. Woke up every morning looking forward to going to hospital, and I think it’s the first time I seriously felt that, if I could do it for the rest of my life, it wouldn’t feel like work. But anyway, it was only 2 weeks, and less than a week of OT/ICU, and it’s hard to divorce enjoying the posting -vs- enjoying the specialty.

When the KTPH lounge is finally up it will be pretty awesome. Someone in the management there likes KTV a lot.

I haven’t blogged since ortho. My best memory I think will be of watching the head of the femur come out during a hip hemiarthroplasty. They speared it and wriggled it out of the acetabulum, and it was a big round smooth glistening white globe. Beautiful.

Apparently one of my ortho examiners was that “smiling tiger” type. I really don’t understand the philosophy of being a smiling tiger. I think the student benefits much more if you just honestly tell them how much you think they suck.

Nowadays all people can talk about is the whole residency thing. I keep letting myself get distracted by it and it’s so easy to lose sight of what’s truly important. I think as Christians it’s important for us to trust that God will provide. At our first LM 2 weeks ago, ZZ gave a talk on “Being Prepared,” which I thought was so appropriate for me… I don’t think I’m prepared at all. Really need to step back and take a look at the big picture.

Electives are becoming expensive. Sigh. But something to look forward to! I need a holiday. Our break is so… far… away.

Priorities.

I’m 22 and I don’t feel any older. Wiser, maybe. Or maybe it will hit me when I wake up tomorrow.

Anyway it’s not official till 2pm, and by then I expect to be watching Toy Story in a GV cinema. So, no deep ruminations about life and living.

I’m happy my birthday falls on a Sunday. It’s a season of my life where God is speaking to me. In the past year He’s shown me the emptiness and fragility of my faith. He’s sent people to keep me accountable, books to hammer home His truth, and made me think about my salvation in a different way. I think I know better what it means to acknowledge God but not Know Him, what it means to Fear Him, what it might mean to Love Him. And I thank Him for pulling me out of the darkness, when I felt so lost and distant. Now I know that He heard my prayers.

I’ve learned more about myself this past year than I have before. There are things you do for others and then there are things you do for yourself. There is selflessness, but then there is prioritization.

So I have limits, and strengths and weaknesses, which I know now better than I have before. I’ve learned what I can do. And impressed myself. And also what I can’t do, and the mistakes I’ve made, and to deal with the disappointment.

The nice thing about having a July birthday is that it always falls neatly between academic years. Now we have to call ourselves M4s and again, people expect more. But that’s ok. It’s not frightening like it was last year.

So, about priorities. MIND – to STOP PROCRASTINATING and STUDY so that I will be not just safe but COMPETENT. BODY – to continue RUNNING so that I will increase my CARDIOVASCULAR HEALTH and hence WALK THE TALK. SPIRIT – to be a good testimony in SCHOOL, in CHURCH, in CRUSADE. To be first a child of God.

Closure.

BVP can tell I’m using an online translator. Shameful.

I needed to close a chapter before the 4th.

BIG BIG sigh of relief.

HOOOooooooooo…….

The Dogs of Yunnan.

Crikey. I met a Belgian lady on the plane back home and now I have a French pen-pal! Quelle coincidence… if this had happened 3 years ago I might still have the vocabulary for it. Mais maintenant il faut pratiquer mon francais, autrement je ne pourrai pas survivre. And maybe use a lot of my favourite website (which helped me to pass IB French), www.freetranslation.com.

Everyone in Lijiang has a dog. It’s a Na’xi tradition, apparently. Saw a lot of huge Siberian huskies, samoyeds, and a lot of cute mongrels.

Yunnan as a whole has become too touristy. I think in a few years it will be completely ruined as a tourist destination, despite its natural beauty. And it’s the government’s fault. We signed up to the national tour agency our first day, thinking our own car for the first week was a pretty good deal - and regretted it for the rest of the trip. Every opportunity they have, the tour guide brings you to a warehouse selling things. This is because they don’t earn a fixed salary, but rather they get a commission on anything you buy during the trip. I lost count of the number of jade warehouses, silver warehouses and TCM halls we visited. Seriously. Tour guides have become salespeople, so much so that they spend 50% of their time pleading with you to buy something – anything – to “help them” earn their keep.

To whoever is in charge of Yunnan’s tourist industry… you have a beautiful product - stunning landscapes and a rich minority culture – so sell it. Forget about the jade bangles, the herbs, whatever. Do it soon, or you’ll lose your customers, your tour guides will become disillusioned, and your wonderful province will become just another farce.

Day 1-4 Lijiang. Yulong Xueshan was a bit -meh- cos they had closed down the glacier for maintenance, but was still cool seeing a yak up close for the first time. The turquoise limestone pools were pretty amazing. Highlight had to be the horse ride at Lashi Hai. A bit overpriced, sure, but in the end worth it. Yunnan horses are like Mongolian horses – short, stout, not very fast but good for rough terrain. Wandered around every day and explored just about every corner of the old town, I think. We even stumbled across an army training camp. Best meal was the streetside one halfway up the hill. All kinds of roots, rice cakes and tofu, plus awesome corn.

Day 5 Lijiang-Shangri La. Tiger-Leaping Gorge was not bad. They were blasting rocks to clear the road blockage on the opposite side of the gorge, and it was quite awe-inspiring to see huge rocks literally whacking the river. The drive up to Shangri-La was amazing, with clear blue streams on the way up the mountain, then at the top, endless fields of wildflowers – purple, pink, yellow, white – set on lush green grass, horses, goats and yaks grazing, and little streams trickling down from the hills. Straight out of a picture book.

Day 6-7 Shangri-La. Down with traveller’s diarrhoea on Day 6. Watery and copious, non-bloody and non-mucoid, a/w fever Tmax 38.2 and LOA. Gave up self-medicating after I couldn’t eat lunch. I went to the hospital to get dripped – they have a whole room specifically for IV infusions, like an airport lounge with first-class size leather seats lined up all in rows. Really cool! The guy next to me was being dripped for a cough. Um, go figure. I liked the Shangri-La old town best of the three. It was quiet and the evening square dances were just great. Compass baked potatoes – highly recommended! Shudu Hu / Bita Hai was undoubtedly one of the best experiences of the whole trip. The whole park was set up really nicely and was just beautiful. We walked both lakes and managed to narrowly escape the rain twice.

Day 8 Shangri La-Lijiang. Back for a rest day. We found a part of the hill we hadn’t explored and played cards at one of those “panorama” cafes. “Enjoyed” our hotel breakfast (man tou and greasy sausages ftw!) for the last time.

Day 9 Lijiang-Xiaguan. I thought the name was quite inauspicious at first! It happened to be Monday so we stopped by the Shaping weekly market. I don’t have many market experiences but I think I’ll start collecting them. It was really cool – a noisy crowded outdoor market selling almost anything you could imagine (I guess most villagers do their weekly shopping there), with big green mountains in the background. Quite idyllic. We stumbled upon Erhai Park in Xiaguan almost totally by accident, climbed a hill to get a better view of Er Hai and then found ourselves in the park! It had some of the prettiest gardens I’ve ever seen. Good romantic spot. A stray dog fell in a steep-sided pond by accident and the fire department had to be called.

Day 10 Dali. Did the whole area tour and then cruised on Er Hai (-cough- the 7th-largest freshwater lake in China!). There was this “wedding” performance on the cruise, nothing to shout about but then I couldn’t understand most of what was going on, heh heh. I didn’t know why everyone was so excited about pinching the bride. The three-course tea was interesting though! Bitter, sweet and wholesome. Butterfly spring with its perfectly clear blue water was pretty awesome. Our tour guide was good here.

Day 11 Xiaguan-Jinghong. Met a South Korean backpacker in the Xiaguan airport. He was travelling alone, very thin and happy to have some Oreos. Runs a backpacker’s hostel in Seoul. Banna weather is balmy! Went to Wild Elephant Valley, where the elephants have been driven out by massive tourist traffic and only show up about once a month, if at all. Taste-tested Pu’er cha (the “shou” and the “shen” versions) and we bought a biscuit. Xishuangbanna has a very Thai-ethnic feel to it. Lijiang was Na’xi, Shangri-La was Tibetan, Dali was Bai, and this place was “Dai,” which was very fitting. Jinghong is only a couple hours’ drive from Laos, Myanmar and Vietnam.

Day 12 Jinghong-Kunming. Our first day on a tour bus! Even the local Chinese tourists seemed annoyed by our tour guide’s pushiness. Still it’s a good feeling to just kick back and know your every need is taken care of. Visited the botanical gardens (impressive) and a Dai village (more selling of merchandise) plus attended a fake water-throwing festival. The elephant shat halfway through the opening sequence, I was too transfixed to pull out the camera. Elephants eat a lot. 200kg a day, apparently. Rushed to the airport for our flight back to Kunming.

Day 13-15 Kunming. Kunming has awesome weather. It’s perfect in ways words cannot describe. On our first day back we went to Shi Lin. Spent less than 2 hrs there and made 4 separate stops along the way for “shopping,” sigh. You’re even “supposed” to spend at least 30 minutes in the warehouse. It was getting ridiculous although our tour guide was very tactful. Ate lots of Lao Beijing at KFC! And watched “Robin Hood” in a cinema near our hotel. Our hotel rocked, I was so happy to stay there for the last few nights. Had a blind-man massage from a very nice chap, Mr Li(3), he taught us how to do the 7 basic manoeuvres! The food in Kunming was a nice change from the ma-la/suan-la/oily food in the rest of Yunnan. On our last night we had a mushroom feast.

Overall had quite a good trip! Only halfway ruined by the Chinese tour agency, sigh. It was good to get away with dad and hopefully lower both our blood pressures. We played Big Two to death.

Next on travel wishlist: Nepal (Kala Patthar and Everest BC), Turkey/Egypt, Scandinavia/Iceland. So few holidays left!